Tuesday, July 31, 2007

apologies and a wee little mini rant

Sorry I haven't been as timely here as possible. the thing is, I had really hoped for more feedback and discussion here. Without that, I am less motivated to post I mean if I'm just talking to myself, I can do that anywhere.

That said, the British are claiming Jimi Hendrix as their own and I don't care for it. There is a series of Oxford Biographies about important and interesting Brits and this week's bio was Jimi Hendrix. Now I know he was more popular there in his life than here but it's not like he was born here and then moved to England right away like Bob Hope or Edgar Allan Poe. He didn't live in England until his 20's and even then he was back and forth a great deal due in part to the United Kingdom tangling him up in red tape over his Work Visa.

I'm sorry but if Jose Everyman tries to cross over the Texas border illegally, we kick him out, he makes it back in and stays here for a couple of years and in that time he cures cancer and then we boot him back to Mexico, when he wins the Nobel Prize for medicine, we don't get to count him as an American just like the British shouldn't get to count Hendrix.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Milestones

Coming up on this weekend's show:

We seem to be approaching things from a business standpoint with such items as How to float an IPO, Brand Loyalty Divorces, Iraq by Numbers and much much more.

Speaking of numbers, can we stop with all the milestones that don't mean anything? Every day we're hearing about the Dow reaching a new milestone. Well until the next burst of the bubble, that'll be happening for quite some time. That's how the system works. At some point it really isn't noteworthy.

Same thing with the War. The death toll isn't going to go down ever so reporting on how we've reached a new milestone in the number dead, is kind of silly. As if the 3,562nd serviceman dead is meaningless but the 3,600th is important. As if there always being a new deadliest month while we're pouring more and more targets into an increasingly unstable environment is going to cause fewer people to be killed.

Barry Bonds, on the other hand, I guess is as valid a milestone as anything but that record will be broken again in another couple decades or less, just like Hank Aaron came along to break Babe Ruth's and presumably there was another record before Ruth.

Seems like each individual home run, death, or portfolio means a lot more in it's own context than all of them together. Maybe I'm just clueless.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Assholes: Recap

I realize now that I absolutely should've used the Denis Leary song in this show... but I didn't think of it.

Information Officer: I stole this joke from a Rocket Scientist. Literally. Snazz, blogger extraordinaire, saw an information officer and thought up this premise. I only added sound effects and random wikipedia facts. In fairness to me, I did ask permission first.

Emo Emu Girl: I bought some new toys and brought them all into play here. The most obvious is a kazoo. The others are also kind of like kazoos but digital. All of the synth sounds on this song are controlled by my voice. It's amazing what they can do with gadgetry these days. You can sing a note, have a computer read the note and then generate a whole other tone at that note, in real time. I plan on abusing this technology greatly in the near future

Obviously this is a nonsense song but c'mon people, Emo songwriters totally fit under the heading of "Asshole"

Exit Only Orifice: This is a real argument I once got in. I, once again, am all for people doing whatever with their own asses but this one very nice young lady was so against the exit only argument, it took me by surprise, titilatingly.

Asshole From El Paso: gotta love Kinky!

Tums Against The War: Gut feeling? GUT FEELING?!? Gut feeling my ass! Immodium! That's the word I was looking for every time I said Pepto Bismal and Kayopectate.

Broken Hearts Are for Assholes: I know. In today's semi-politically correct society this is a completely offensive song. Oh well. It's a good song and I think I have done enough shows with a pro gay rights stance that I should be allowed to let a song full of gay jokes fly. Besides, when you get right down to it, it's really more about how uncomfortable we, straight males, are about the whole gay thing.

Or... I was a real asshole for playing it. Thematically, it works either way.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Yello Alert

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have so much to apologize for it's almost too much to bear. First of all, Podomatic, my podserver, appears to have gone insane and deleted all previous podcasts to this last one. When they come back, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this episode, Yello Alert, vanishes or you get all 123 episodes in your podcatcher showing as new. If this continues to be a problem, I will change servers. Again, I apologize for the multiple fuck ups even though they weren't anything I personally could control. Also, the last two minutes of this show got cut off, I apologize for that as well.

Speaking of Podcatchers, do not install Podcast Ready software onto your iPod. I did and it completely hosed it.

Lastly, my computer needs a new fan and is running a bit strangely because of it, and the heat, so that accounts for some of the digital hiccuping in this program.

now then on to the recap.

Zombie, came from an actual fellow named Razzap Snookums who is a strange little evil green Martian in Second Life. I was throwing one of my soirée's like I do on Wednesday nights at the Black Tie Martini Club on Edloe Island 128,128,93 (for you Second Lifers out there) and he started talking about Zombies being the new black... actually I might have started it... anyway it seemed like a perfume commercial to me, so that's how that came into being.

Trent Lott's Sheep, I know... I know... it's really goats. Somehow that short circuited in my brain and I apologize for that as well. Seriously though, he did say that he electrified his goats... which is weird.

Yellow Alert, This is all true. Why I interrupted it with the group Yello, I don't know.

Poetry, as I was working on the show, I got a fabulous work of Spam Poetry and felt I had to read it, that's how good it was. Here is the full text of said Spam

Bronze the sky, with no
Through the back of the picture at the patch of white
Wheezing ravens, when
XI. Franklin's Last Voyage
In realms of dingy gloom and deep crevasse
To run, as in the time of the bee, seeking
at balls hit again and again toward her offspring.
My only thought is for what has
Hoarfrost is in his bones and on his head,
Covering the land—
Only a fox whose den I cannot find.
With sun's warmth wasted on a stone,
And then I go on until I am beneath an archway,
Its consciousness of my white consciousness,
As if your absence now concluded long ago.
That neither the motionless farm couple trudging
As if your absence now concluded long ago.
He terrifies the Vast, he seems so wild;
Dismal, endless plain—

The Jew, credit where credit is due Chris's Platypus Society is here: http://www.platypus-society.net/blog/ and Laurence's Is Full of Crap empire is here: http://isfullofcrap.com/ I'm not really sure where this idea popped out of but I have random rhymes flowing between my ears all the time.. blame them?

Catharsis, Honestly, the depression over how fucked up our federal system of govt has gone lately, is a huge factor in my not doing a show last week. For the record I was ranting about Price Fixing, Bush not responding to Subpoenas about the Department of Justice firings, Campaign Finance, Bong Hits 4 Jesus, Pardoning Scooter Libby and Dick Cheney claiming he's not part of the executive Branch


Osama Bin Laden Sex tape, Someone mentioned a new tape coming out and with all the Paris Hilton talk, I put 2 and 2 together. Then I was reminded of this old vaudevillian "No, that's good" bit and thought it would be especially amusing if the straight man stopped playing along. The explosions were just a Pythonesque act of desperation

Monday, July 02, 2007

Where's The Show?

Sorry folks but between technical difficulties and my hours changing at work and the Supreme Court rendering me unconstitutional, things have been a bit chaotic.

Hopefully the show will be up on Wednesday for your 4th of July enjoyment.

P.S. Don't ever try to use Podcast Ready with an iPod. You'll have a really pretty expensive paperweight.