Coming up on this weekends show:
nothing. At least I have nothing written, hopefully between now and then the muse will strike. Currently my brain is so scrambled by my day job Danny Thomas just called and wants me to rest my head on his glass coffee table. Ugh!
Many public transportation centers have areas that smell like urine but here in Cleveland we've got it down to an artform. Where most cities have neglected staircases that stink of hobo pee, here at our train stations they piss in the elevators. The stink factor in an enclosed elevator vs an open air staircase is mind boggling. In the minute it takes to take such a ride you wind up feeling as if your very essence, your soul is permeated with piss.
However, someone has finally done something about it at at least one train station. They've put some of that urinal cake stuff in the corner of the elevator. Admittedly, it's still pretty disgusting but it's nowhere near as disgusting as the elevator without the urinal cake and I think we need to applaud this kind of brave thinking. Many people would scowl at such a thing as admitting defeat. Many people would insist that the only solution would involve stopping people from pissing in the elevators. Sometimes the only way to win is to change the rules. I'm not trying to make this post an allegory about the Iraq war or anything but sometimes it's important to see that it's not always just a choice between victory and defeat.
And while we're thinking outside the box here tonight, why don't we napalm our frozen sidewalks? Surely that would be an effective way to melt all the snow and ice and much safer than making people walk on slick paths where they can fall into the street, slipping on slick ice hidden under newly fallen snow.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Weekly Update
Still feeling somewhat like crap so I haven't done any new writing but I do think that next weekend's show will have some Mr. T humor.
For this week's essay, here are my notes on the State Of The Union:
For this week's essay, here are my notes on the State Of The Union:
The Madame Speaker opener was nice but a no-brainer.
It’s DEMOCRATIC MAJORITY not Democrat majority
Oh NOW he’s a uniter again and not a divider? Well, he’s uniting both parties against his
The deficit HAD BEEN eliminated, You brought it back. You only cut deficit spending by grossly overestimating your projected deficit spending and then not spending so much. You didn’t actually cut any spending.
He’s back to saving Social Security?!? That was the beginning of his downfall when he tried that last time. Social Security is like his
Ask a teacher or State Govts how well No Child Left Behind is working.
He can’t even explain his health insurance policy and get the words right, how am I going to get the tax deductions right on my 1040EZ?
Does Temporary Work Status even make sense? Why wouldn’t a terrorist or drug dealer come in that way and then vanish? Isn’t this his least popular idea since his Social Security Reform? Is he trying to put forth so many bad ideas that are unpopular with his party so that they’ll go with the
To win the war on terror we must take the fight to the enemy? Terrorism has gone up every year since you started the war on terror. It seems like the exact opposite is true. Pretending it doesn’t exist worked BETTER. If you create more terrorists then you stop, YOU ARE LOSING, ASSHOLE!
What would turning this battle toward victory mean? If there are no conditions for victory than we might as well call it victory now and go home.
The Iraqi govt isn’t ready to stop sectarian violence because they are sectarians.
You didn’t drive Al-Qaeda out of
How are you going to increase the size of the Marine Corps when 70% of this country are against this war?
Francesca the Wonder Cat, hates this speech.
He wants to fight HIV in
He’s not going to tell us that Basketball players are more important than doctors is he? Ay Carumba!
Baby Einstein?!? Shoot me now.
This is a decent and honorable country and resilient too? It was anyway until you turned it into a fearful, divided and brittle country. I’m going to listen to Tramp The Dirt Down now and put you in a Maggie Thatcher suit.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
putting the lame in lame duck
Coming up on this weekend's show:
If you are going to be a dictator, a villain, rule by force, or any other kind of despot or tyrant, you need to have the courage of your convictions to see things through to the very end. Look at Saddam Hussein. He knew he was the villain and he played the part with dignity right up to the very end. Few of us will go out as defiant as he.
George Bush on the other hand, is so incompetent, so worthless, he is even failing at being a good villain. I don't mean he's starting to behave sensibly or anything like that but he is turning into a wimp. He's apologizing for everything everywhere now. He's trying to be bi-partisan, he's trying too late to wipe the black mark of his legacy clean. It's pathetic. He should know, he can't ever be forgiven in time and he should go out like all memorable despots, defiantly.
Case in point: Rich Little is headlining this year's White House Correspondent's Dinner. Now you remember last year right? Stephen Colbert kicked Bush's ass up and down the dais like a football and joined such luminaries as Frank Sinatra, Lewis Black, Al Franken, Jon Stewart and even Conan O'Brian in the list of headliners. Remember two years ago when Laura Bush was the big thing at the White House Correspondent's Dinner when she kept talking about Horse Cock and how much George loves Horse Cock? And of course before then we had George himself blatantly mocking the world by laughing about there being no Weapons of Mass Destruction. "Oops not under here!" Isn't Rich Little kind of a come down from that kind of bad ass hilarity?
If Bush had any Cojones, he'd try to top the Colbert speech with something even more startling. He'd invite Keith Olbermann up to headline. Sure Olbermann hates Bush even more than I do but he's not actually a comedian. Odds are Bush could win that room over, he's more of a comedian than Olbermann ever could hope to be. How totally macho and cowboy would that be to invite a guy whose job it is to rip you a new one at the WHC Dinner and then upstage him. That would tell the world you aren't afraid of anything. Now, the whole world knows that Bush isn't just afraid of Jesus and looking like his dad but he's AFRAID OF COMEDIANS. That's just sad.
It used to be that we could at least count on Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Achmadenijad, and all the other power mad despots in the world to know that our leader was just as crazy and dangerous as they were but now he's just another has been whose scared of comedians.
Mr. Bush, I beg you, go back to just being purely evil. You were a great villain and you deserve to go out like one, in a blaze of glory. Maybe you could be executed for your war-crimes or maybe Dick Cheney could put you out of your misery ala Of Mice and Men. But this new apologetic frightened Bush, is just sad. You'll never be remembered kindly by history, you'll never do good in the world and you'll never be a good human being. You could at least be a good villain but in typical Bush style, you're even fucking that up now. For shame sir, For shame!
- The Morbid Tabernacle Choir
- A Musical Tribute to the Hard Working Women of Pornography
- A Cowboy
- A Musical Tribute to The Most Mammalian of Female Characteristics
- Much Much More?
If you are going to be a dictator, a villain, rule by force, or any other kind of despot or tyrant, you need to have the courage of your convictions to see things through to the very end. Look at Saddam Hussein. He knew he was the villain and he played the part with dignity right up to the very end. Few of us will go out as defiant as he.
George Bush on the other hand, is so incompetent, so worthless, he is even failing at being a good villain. I don't mean he's starting to behave sensibly or anything like that but he is turning into a wimp. He's apologizing for everything everywhere now. He's trying to be bi-partisan, he's trying too late to wipe the black mark of his legacy clean. It's pathetic. He should know, he can't ever be forgiven in time and he should go out like all memorable despots, defiantly.
Case in point: Rich Little is headlining this year's White House Correspondent's Dinner. Now you remember last year right? Stephen Colbert kicked Bush's ass up and down the dais like a football and joined such luminaries as Frank Sinatra, Lewis Black, Al Franken, Jon Stewart and even Conan O'Brian in the list of headliners. Remember two years ago when Laura Bush was the big thing at the White House Correspondent's Dinner when she kept talking about Horse Cock and how much George loves Horse Cock? And of course before then we had George himself blatantly mocking the world by laughing about there being no Weapons of Mass Destruction. "Oops not under here!" Isn't Rich Little kind of a come down from that kind of bad ass hilarity?
If Bush had any Cojones, he'd try to top the Colbert speech with something even more startling. He'd invite Keith Olbermann up to headline. Sure Olbermann hates Bush even more than I do but he's not actually a comedian. Odds are Bush could win that room over, he's more of a comedian than Olbermann ever could hope to be. How totally macho and cowboy would that be to invite a guy whose job it is to rip you a new one at the WHC Dinner and then upstage him. That would tell the world you aren't afraid of anything. Now, the whole world knows that Bush isn't just afraid of Jesus and looking like his dad but he's AFRAID OF COMEDIANS. That's just sad.
It used to be that we could at least count on Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud Achmadenijad, and all the other power mad despots in the world to know that our leader was just as crazy and dangerous as they were but now he's just another has been whose scared of comedians.
Mr. Bush, I beg you, go back to just being purely evil. You were a great villain and you deserve to go out like one, in a blaze of glory. Maybe you could be executed for your war-crimes or maybe Dick Cheney could put you out of your misery ala Of Mice and Men. But this new apologetic frightened Bush, is just sad. You'll never be remembered kindly by history, you'll never do good in the world and you'll never be a good human being. You could at least be a good villain but in typical Bush style, you're even fucking that up now. For shame sir, For shame!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
So uh... What'd you think?
Coming up on this weekends show:
- The Matt Lauer Game
- A Conversation with God
- The In My Pants game
- Getting More For Your Soul
- Much Much More?
Isn't Bush's new plan for Iraq essentially the same thing as John Kerry's plan was back in '04? He said that if the Iraqi govt. doesn't get it's act together by November, we'll stop supporting them. Isn't that a time-table? I thought we were afraid of time-tables?
I think that's not a terrible idea, and adding additional troops to try to secure the peace in Bhagdad doesn't seem unreasonable to me though many say it's too few troops, i don't really know.
I think if there was some kind of benchmarks and expiration of the plan added in. He said he wants them to get it straight by November, make that a hard deadline with benchmarks for maybe August or September to get an idea as to whether November sees us pulling out altogether or continuing troop levels because they are working.
He also mentioned stepping up diplomacy and getting the whole region involved. I think that if we show some measure of success in this plan and don't commit more egregious cultural acts, this shouldn't be too difficult and could really help in securing the peace.
On the other hand, Bush and his handpicked teams have never actually done anything right. So no matter how good this plan is, I'm afraid it's like New Orleans Levies, great idea but not so ideal in practice.
I'm just not sure.
I am, however, sure that Democrats need to be supportive (though correcting) on this plan. If they attack it all out, like they seem to be doing, and it is successful, they're screwed. If they attack it successfully they can be blamed for failure in 08.
However, if the Dems support the plan with specifications and modifications then they can say, if it works, that their bi-partisan plan saved the day but if it fails they can blame the failure on Bush and his stupid plan. Either way, they need to continue investigating all the corruption they can find, especially republican corruption, and impeach or censure Bush for lying us into the war in the first place.
If we, the left, are both practical enough to be trying to move forward on iraq but righteous enough to investigate and prosecute for the past crimes of the administration, we can create a huge bloc of centrists and extremists but if we only attack the current plan and then wimp out on the past crimes of the administration, we deserve a continued Republican Empire.
Your thoughts?
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Welcome to 007 and the difference between experimental film and porn.
Welcome to the new year everybody!
I'm going to try like hell to post more regularly here. I also post fairly often on LiveJournal under the name calebbullen and I guess more people read me there but I'm going to attempt to put forth every Wednesday a preview of the show to come and some little essay of some kind here.
Coming up on the next show (to be posted over the weekend)
I haven't been feeling well and the things I do want to say are too sprawling and I'm too sleep deprived to make any of it make sense but uh... Hey! How about that Gerald Ford huh? The guy was never elected to an executive office and they still shut down the post office. Crazy.
Also, the porno film Party Dolls A Go-Go may be the greatest shot on video feature ever made. Not just the greatest porno ever made but the greatest feature. I recently saw Salvador Dali and Louis Bunuel's surrealist masterpiece Un Chien Andalou and I can honestly say, it had nothing on Party Dolls A Go-Go as far as surrealism. They made use of music in a similar way and were both made to be surreal and to challenge the viewer's perception of what the medium is supposed to be but the Spanish Surrealism was focused on violence and the ugly while the porno was focused on fun and beauty. Honestly the difference between the two is almost like the difference between a depressed person and a happy person telling you about the same event. Another key difference is you'd be really hard pressed to masturbate to the Dali film. It's way too short.
Huh, turns out I had a little bit to say after all.
I'm going to try like hell to post more regularly here. I also post fairly often on LiveJournal under the name calebbullen and I guess more people read me there but I'm going to attempt to put forth every Wednesday a preview of the show to come and some little essay of some kind here.
Coming up on the next show (to be posted over the weekend)
- Nazis Vs. Gays
- Ben Cohen with another Zen Koan
- A few 100 word stories/songs
- Taxes
- TV
- and who knows what else
I haven't been feeling well and the things I do want to say are too sprawling and I'm too sleep deprived to make any of it make sense but uh... Hey! How about that Gerald Ford huh? The guy was never elected to an executive office and they still shut down the post office. Crazy.
Also, the porno film Party Dolls A Go-Go may be the greatest shot on video feature ever made. Not just the greatest porno ever made but the greatest feature. I recently saw Salvador Dali and Louis Bunuel's surrealist masterpiece Un Chien Andalou and I can honestly say, it had nothing on Party Dolls A Go-Go as far as surrealism. They made use of music in a similar way and were both made to be surreal and to challenge the viewer's perception of what the medium is supposed to be but the Spanish Surrealism was focused on violence and the ugly while the porno was focused on fun and beauty. Honestly the difference between the two is almost like the difference between a depressed person and a happy person telling you about the same event. Another key difference is you'd be really hard pressed to masturbate to the Dali film. It's way too short.
Huh, turns out I had a little bit to say after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
