New Rule (with apologies to Bill Mahr)

You can't chew gum and talk.

It's one thing to be caught having to answer the phone while you have gum in your mouth but if you are chewing away like you have four stomachs when you dial the phone to ask someone at work for help, you deserve to be force fed the stuff like a goose until you are one seriously bouncy corpse.

Many people today who answer phones for a living wear headsets and when you are chewing away like a dumb animal, you're doing it directly in their ear. It's disgusting. I'd rather have a farting waiter than have your slobbering slavering jaws chomping away at an amplified volume in my ear.