My Drinking Problem

As I have mentioned before, I don't like the cooler months of the year. In Ohio that's most of the year. So I have attempted to turn to Alcohol. I bought a bottle of wine the other day because it's hard to buy booze in Ohio and I don't like beer. Attempting to use said bottle revealed that I didn't own a bottle opener.

Now, I've bought zillions of bottle openers in my life. It seems like I have to buy one every few months. Perhaps if I moved less often this would be less of an issue but there I was with a full bottle of vino and no opener.

I did, however, have a knife steel. So I figured I could force the cork down into the bottle and extract the boozy goodness that way. What I did not count on was the forces of barometric pressure. When you force a cork down it creates more pressure in the bottle and when the cork finally leaves the neck of the bottle there is a great POP and wine splashes all over your kitchen, your person and the whole area if your apartment is small enough. Mine is.

Tonight I bought another bottle of wine and a bottle opener. Haha! But alas the cork was insanely dry so rather than work like a bottle opener is supposed to, I wound up essentially crumbling the cork out of existence over time. Wine didn't wind up everywhere this time but it did rather commit me to finishing the bottle in one sitting.

If I could just have bought a bottle of Gin and another of Vermouth, this all would've been much much simpler. I honestly don't even know where in Cleveland one can buy vermouth. It's almost like the Beer distributors have colluded with the legislator to force a person to buy beer or wine. It's straight up easier in this town to buy marijuana than get a good martini. That's jut fucked up. As am I. Goodnight everybody.