What if Jerry Falwell was right?

Coming up on this weekend's show:

• I Sing The Body Electric
• Good News
• A complete lack of politics or controversy

In among all the talk about Falwell, those who loved him and hated him all had something to say, one thing that kept getting mentioned was his saying that AIDS was God's Punishment of Homosexuals.

Most people write that off as the insane drivelings of an inbred lunatic but what if it were true?

Just imagine, if you will, that the 18,000 or so deaths from HIV/AIDS in North America are because God is punishing Homosexuals. First of all, why wouldn't God pick something that worked better? I mean at least something that air doesn't kill. HIV is a huge wimp in the Virus game. You can't kill the common cold with anything mankind has found but HIV dies if you blow on it; literally!

Also compare 18,000 to other things that kill people in this country... Like cars. 43,000 people die every year from automobiles just in this country, the 18,000 figure for AIDS includes Canada. So who is God punishing, Gays or Drivers?

And then, of course there are the 654,000 who die from Heart Disease mostly from obesity and smoking. Wait a second... wasn't Jerry Falwell obese? Didn't he die from Heart Disease? God must've been punishing him. Him and the other 543,999 Americans who will die from it this year.

So if God really is punishing the homosexuals with AIDS, he's punishing all of us with cars twice as much and he really is punishing all of us who eat too much, smoke or drink. So the good news is, even if HIV is God's disease to punish the gays, he doesn't hate them a tenth as much as he hates fatties.

God Hates Fatties? Somehow I don't see that being alarming enough for Shirley Phelps.